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Is your relationship in neutral?

I was recently reminded about the true meaning of relationships. Ironically from two different men. As a female, a therapist, and a wife I am uplifted by reading the words of these two men and their views on marriage and relationships. I hope their words help you take your relationship from neutral to overdrive.
 
(Adaptedfrom Michael Webb, 2000)
 
Many people have the impression that as long as they are not yelling at their partner, beating them, cheating on them, or leaving huge messes around the house, they must be good spouses. All that means is that you aren't a bad spouse.You are probably just an average spouse.
 
Instead of just not yelling at your partner, you should make an effort to say lots of wonderful things to your partner.
 
Instead of not beating your spouse, you should make certain you often lovingly touch your spouse, stroke their hair, lightly kiss their neck, gently massage their shoulders, kindly rub their feet, and give light kisses on their cheek, nose,ears, forehead, and of course lips.
 
You shouldn't only not cheat on your partner, you should passionately seduce your spouse.
 
Not being a total slob isn't bad, but helping your spouse with chores is even better. Giving your partner a whole day or week off from their usual chores and doing them for your partner is best.
 
You should never settle for being average and your spouse should never settle for receiving average. Your  relationship with your spouse is exceptional! Be exceptional, give exceptionally, and exceptional love will be yours.
 
(FromSeth Adam Smith, 2013*)
 
"Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
 
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
 
I met my wifein high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
 
Nevertheless,falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready?Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
 
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
 
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the airbecomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
 
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you.You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy.More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
 
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized thatI wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
 
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s“Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
 
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
 
Some time ago,my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted.I was callous. I was selfish.
 
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in herarms and soothed my soul.
 
 
 
Marriage is about family.
 
I realized thatI had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been tolove me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that Iwould try to be better.
 
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the swornbachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
 
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
 
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you.It’s for others".
 
 
 
*http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/
 
 
 

4 Comments to Is your relationship in neutral? :

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Love is life on Friday, April 04, 2014 8:49 AM
The convictions we hold about love, relationships and our own self-image and self-worth have been shaped throughout our lives. The root of many beliefs that are now causing problems reach back to where we were children.
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Love on Friday, April 04, 2014 8:50 AM
The convictions we hold about love, relationships and our own self-image and self-worth have been shaped throughout our lives. The root of many beliefs that are now causing problems reach back to where we were children.
Reply to comment


counselling in melbourne on Wednesday, April 16, 2014 2:39 AM
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Relationship counselling on Monday, May 19, 2014 2:09 AM
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