The idea of "meant to be" within marriage.
We hear this statement all the time. People will say "we were meant to be together". Or the way they met it was "as if it was meant to be".
The idea of something occurring without doing anything is a magical thought. The idea that by some magic or grand design two people were brought together and are meant to be together forever is very romantic.
Yet it is not that simple. The statement of "meant to be" implies something happened without effort.
It was not magic that caused two people to love each other and decide to have a lasting relationship. It was both their actions and efforts they put into the relationship. It was the phone calls, the dating, and the attention to each other. These efforts and work is what created a connection between them. Once they were married, it was their daily, sometimes hourly decision to choose that person to share their life with.
Their love is the result of the work, effort, and dedication that they put into the marriage. All relationships require effort, whether it is a relationship between a brother and a sister, a friendship, or between a parent and a child.
Parents can tell you with confidence that being a parent requires a lot of work and that it is the most rewarding work they ever do. Same concept is true within any relationship. The more effort you put in the more rewarding it feels.
When relationships begin to decay often times someone will say, "I guess we were just not meant to be." When someone makes this statement, what they are actually saying is that this marriage is requiring too much effort with too little reward and they no longer want to put any more work into the relationship.
Focusing on if something is meant to be takes away all of your free will. The statement itself takes away your choices, your ability to act, and makes you the victim to some mystical design. Instead of focusing on a concept that makes you the victim and leaves you powerless, why not redirect that focus, empower yourself, and empower your marriage.
Instead, ask yourself;
Is my marriage worth my effort?
Have I put in the amount of effort needed to receive the rewards I seek?
What am I willing to do to make my marriage successful?
These questions focus on solutions and forward movement. The question of are we meant to be, focusing on problems and leaves to stuck.
Often times, once a person says that they guess the marriage was just not meant to be the next thought is that they can find someone better and be happier. Is it possible that their may be someone else out there better suited to you? Yes! The answer is unequivocally YES. In the entire world, out of billions of people just the mathematical odds alone support that yes it is possible (maybe even probable) that there is someone out there better suited for you than your spouse. However, this does not mean that you will be happier or have to put less effort in the relationship with this “someone else. This relationship will require work and dedication as well.
The fact that someone else in the world may be more compatible does not mean that your marriage cannot be fulfilling.
The truth is your marriage can be wonderful!!!
Your spouse can become the love of your life!!!!
You can have all of this as long as you remain all in through hard work, commitment, and dedication.
Your marriage can be “meant to be” if you make it so.